How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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