I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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