I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
