youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In other news, I just burned my penis
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
