Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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