You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
