I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
