Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
