yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
