Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
