just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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