why didn't you poke me back
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
