pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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