he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
