I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
