Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
