Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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