fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
