but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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