i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
