dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
