So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
