so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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