just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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