i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
