Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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