Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
