arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
