oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
