Where are you?
In a non slutty way
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
