I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
