I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Randomize