What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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