Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
