We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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