I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize