Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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