So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
