I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
