Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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