Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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