My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
