I think i sorta joined a cult last night
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
