She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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