before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
