I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
what day is it and did you see me today?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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