I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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