I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
