sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
