And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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