I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
