Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
