Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
