the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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