Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
wow bdsm is so cute
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
