just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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