let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
