I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need to calm my uterus...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
