Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
