Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
