Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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