Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
